On the other hand, it is important to discuss with the person who is dying what would be helpful for him or her. The presence of too many people all at the same time could be overwhelming and tiring. Perhaps the more appropriate plan would be for visitors to come in small numbers and be able to sit and talk quietly. Sometimes, too, it is the little things that can make such a difference—a trip to the countryside, listening to a favorite record, sitting in the garden, feeling the sun on one's face, hearing children's laughter, seeing a sunset. Family and friends can play an important role in making these things happen.
Reactions to a family member's impending death will differ from family member to family member. Not everyone will feel exactly the same way at the same time. There is no "right way" to cope, and no "appropriate" time schedule for feelings. One person may feel strong at a time when another feels most vulnerable. One may cry easily while another does not feel able to cry. One may bury himself or herself in work while another is unable to concentrate. Talking to people who are not aware of the upheavals can create added tension for some people. What is important is that a family can understand these differences and find ways to draw on one another's strengths. Talking with one another, or with someone else, about one's feelings can be helpful.
Young children are part of the family and it is important that, when appropriate, they be included and involved in conversations about what is happening. It is very easy for a child to think he or she has caused the death if no other explanation is provided. There are many helpful books about talking with children about death.
Making funeral arrangements and preparing a will are two activities that, if completed before death, can make the time of death and period of mourning less stressful. Most funeral homes provide a "prearrangement" service
